AUGUST 21, 2025
Laura Famularo: President, Co-Founder at Famular LLC
Have you ever felt caught between two powerful people at work?
Triangulation—being the third point in a tense relationship—can be exhausting, confusing, and even risky. I’ve coached several executives who are navigating this dynamic, and one pattern is clear: when you are the individual in the middle the impact is real.
So, how do you stay grounded, focused, and effective in the middle of this tension? A powerful approach is using the Control, Influence, Release model to discern where to engage and where to let go—while holding onto your voice and personal power.
When you’re caught in the middle, the pressure to manage impressions and smooth relationships is high. But not everything is yours to carry.
Try this mental model:
Control What is directly in your power? — Your behavior — Your communication — Your boundaries
Influence What can you shape or inform, even if you don’t own it? Where do you have leverage? — How you frame issues — Questions you ask — Strategic recommendations
Release What must you let go of to move forward? — Their conflict — Their reactions — Outcomes you can’t own
This approach protects your energy, focuses your attention, and helps you lead from a place of agency—not reactivity.
Stay Anchored in Your Role
Amid triangulation, it’s tempting to align with one individual over another just to survive. But your real power comes from anchoring in your purpose:
- What am I here to deliver?
- What does success look like in my role?
- How do I model leadership in how I communicate across levels?
When you stay focused on your deliverables, you avoid becoming collateral in someone else’s drama.
Preserve Your Personal Power
Even in tense dynamics, you can maintain your power by:
- Regulating your emotions
- Choosing neutrality without passivity
- Seeking coaching or mentorship to stay clear and objective
Your voice, values, and boundaries are your power.
Bottom Line
You don’t need to resolve the conflict between the leaders. But you do need a framework to lead yourself through it.
- Control what’s yours
- Influence what you can
- Release what isn’t yours to carry
The strongest leaders aren’t those who avoid storms, they’re the ones who stand steady within them.